The New Guy – Happy New Year?!


Well…Aren’t we all happy we had our Christmas turkey good and digested when THAT happened!

UFC 168 was mayhem in many senses of the word.

Chris and Andy…Ronda…Uriah…’#TheFart’…this card had it all and I’m not gassing you up. We are going to dissect the sh*t out of it. Ok not the ‘we’ as in the collective ‘we’, I mean I am going to dissect the sh*t out of it with your opinions in mind. You just continue with what you’re doing (reading). Deal? Good.

The New Guy – Happy New Year?!

I have a lot to cover, so get a glass of water, maybe a cigarette of your choice, and let me help you ring in that new year hangover.

First off I dealt with a slew of morons trying to tell me, not only that Anderson Silva isn’t the best to ever do it to date, but that he deserved the outcome.

Yeah, no typo there.

Let’s dig into some of the answers I got when I asked why.

First we had the armchair fan.

He’s been inside two gyms, maybe a UFC open workout and is now the most knowledgable of all his friends — I f*ckin’ love this guy. He says that Anderson used to use his mind to win fights before they started, and that he’s not really as good in the cage because of it.

I quickly referenced my MMA Glossary, finding a quote from the once (debatably) great and famously KO’d Xanax connoisseur Forrest Griffin who said ‘99% of this game is half mental’. The latter adjective may explain why he chose to word it like that, but the bottom line is the fight starts when the contract is signed.

Sorry bud, good try though.

Then we had the former (gym) fighter. He leads with his own rendition of ‘I’m not the toughest guy in the world or anything but…’ before fumbling his way through former local no name sparring partners of yester-decade.

This guy, no sh*t, tells me that he could have showed Anderson a few things on how to avoid the KO punch in Fight #1 and how he could have used it to end fight #2. I wish I was lying. I could hardly contain my laughter, like watching someone slip and fall on ice on the sidewalk who doesn’t break their wrist.

Oh wait I almost forgot.

I was lucky enough to acquire the opinion of this juiced up Biker wannabe in a ‘Support 81 & Nomads’ hoodie and hat, complete with gaudy stainless steel jewelry and all. This dude ended up as the punch line to every joke made that night.

Let’s start by making it clear I didn’t initiate this interaction.

Instead, after loudly stumbling up and forcing my party to endure a short alcohol fuelled, boastful rant covering the sale of firearms to lawyers and a bunch of other sh*t that neither impresses or interests me, I attempted to save my table by asking what he thought of the break. I showed him a still of Andy’s crooked limb. He looked at me and spouted this wisdom.

‘He deserved it cuz he’s a cocky, showboating n****r’

Wow. Much like before, maybe more so here, I wish I was lying.

Way to cement your status as a Class ‘A’ piece of sh*t, much like the Patch you overpaid to support on your sleeves and head. F*cking unbelievable. I was angry but that quickly turned to a bittersweet happiness, knowing immediately that he was not one of us when this fake ass tough guy asked me who Anderson had fought.

After trying to determine if some of my coloured friends down the bar had heard him, and how I was going to explain that I didn’t know this clown a moment before that point, I excused myself and our table. Not before he could ask me “what the cops were like around here” though.

Do these losers actually bond over that kind of stuff?

I laughed to myself and said ‘Well that hat and hoodie have you down 2-0 already Tommy (he introduced himself as Tommy ‘Gunz’ and I, of course, assume it’s with a “z” ) good luck’ and we were out.

All those interactions happened within 30-minutes in a small bar where I was hanging out. That is a scary sample size.

I will say this, Andy lost fair and square twice. Andy also did something no one else has done though. He consistently changed the game, fight by fight. Techniques were a myth until he made them real.

Lead elbow uppercut? Yup.

Teep style front kick to the chin? No problem.

Throwing from the waist while backing up and leaving dudes KTFO? Done.

Video game sh*t, brought into real life. Props Andy, I can honestly say I wasn’t your biggest fan, but GOD do I respect you. (Wes Mantooth voice) Its relieving to hear that he actually wasn’t injured as bad as it could have been given the fact that no skin or arteries were breached, which for personal health is great news.

I’ll go on record saying I still don’t think this guy fights competitively anymore.

It was also interesting to see how Andy and Chris Leben’s paths crossed again last weekend.

If you remember the clinical near homicide of The Crippler courtesy of Andy back in his ’06 debut then you’ll also find it ironic that both found a potential finish to their careers on Saturday. I may be wrong about The Spider, but after reading Chris’s Facebook post late night Saturday I would be shocked, and honestly disappointed, to see Chris risk his health again.

Props to Uriah Hall for looking somewhat like the prospect we met on TUF, should be fun watching him going forward. Having said that I don’t want to sugar coat this for one minute.

I have more respect for Chris Leben than almost any man on the planet.

As someone who lost their father young and struggled with the cumulative grievance and stress that followed by polluting my body I gravitated to Chris during Season 1 of TUF. I hurt with him. I shed a tear as I write this, because I truly felt his pain when he was harassed by Koscheck and Bobby. I had been there. I wished for him to reach great levels, and maybe prove to me in doing so that I could do the same, and in many ways he did.

His KO of Wandy and Triangle win over Akiyama are two MMA Moments I won’t ever forget. Thanks Chris, you are a hell of a man, keep those demons at bay and best of luck in your future sir. I’d bet cash to cookies I am not the only person who feels this way either man, you’re a hero for real lifers.

Back to the violence, and yeah I know that came out soft but f*ck you I am a real person and won’t hesitate to show it.

Speaking of people I respect the hell out of, enter ‘Hapa’ Browne.

I have always respected Hawaiian’s for two things, first off their epic bloodthirst in combat sports, and Goddammit can they barbecue up a pig good and proper. Browne definitely possesses the first, and I’m sure has the lineage to pull off the second but the ruthless finish of The Warmaster was enough to have me choking on my own humble pie.

Yes, I was one of many who thought Josh would attempt (and probably succeed) to drag this thing to the floor, and lock something up. Quickly.

Yeah, no. Browne jumped up and, with elbows I have no ill will towards, threw himself into immediate title contention. He battles Fabricio next, not often ‘Vai Cavalo’ is the shorter man, so he’ll need to climb a ladder to KO Travis.

Ronda did what Ronda does, I’ll give her credit that her BJJ looked better than it has, and those throws are are sicker than children in Liberia. I don’t know what Sara McMann can offer aside from a new fulcrum to destroy, but I do know that Holly Holm and Cyborg are going to be the first opponents to make me cancel my Saturday night date.

Before I leave, massive props to Chris Weidman, my fighter of the year. Anyone who dethrones the man TWICE in six months is worthy of massive acclaim. I can’t wait to see Vitor, Machida, Mousasi and JacarÄ— all test him. I feel like that belt might take a ride around that circle for a minute if Chris doesn’t defend right off the bat, Vitor and Machida would be wild, as would a Mousasi-JacarÄ— rematch. Get your bibs ready, I’m drooling already.

Happy to see the production value going up as well, as we got a surround sound ripper in the prelims, courtesy of John Howard’s back door. I only say that because if it was Siyar Bahadurzada, he would have reverted back to his old nickname of ‘The Killer’ and stopped Doomsday in his tracks as we all know Arabian food is a f*ckin nightmare on the ol’ digestive system.

Speaking of sh*t talking, I’m already seeing all kinds of posts dogging this UFC Fight Pass too.

The fight library alone makes this thing worth more than the original copy of the US Constitution. Although it’s content is much less controversial. At ten bucks per month you can’t lose, add to that the bonus content, behind the scenes product and the free fights that start this weekend from Singapore, and it’s a no brainer.

Keyboard warriors and haters alike will converge no doubt. I remind you, they are idiots.

Let’s chat again after that fight, just before we get a chance to see Bendo and Josh scrap it out, that’ll give us a couple cards to chat about, unless I find something I need to fill you guys in on in the mean time.

Happy New Year, I know I can’t get enough of these ‘this is my year’ bullsh*t posts. We all know it’s your time, don’t talk about it, be about it.

– The New Guy

Follow ‘The New Guy’ on Twitter @NewGuyOnMMA


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