After a week off, the UFC is back with its latest pay-per-view extravanganze, UFC 209. Some fighters, like welterweight title challenger Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson, have the “walkout as branding exercise” concept down. Others, not so much.

The Walkout Consultant: UFC 209

That’s where I come in. As MMASucka.com‘s resident board-certified musicologist, I’m here to help these wayward fighters find better songs with which to connect to the crowd. I’m also giving this advice publicly, as both a courtesy and a way to entertain you, the fans. So, let’s get started.

Amanda Bobby Cooper

What she walked out to last: “Gasoline” – Halsey

What she should walk out to: “Swamped” – Lacuna Coil

Amanda Bobby Cooper has the same walkout problem that seems to affect many women: A choice of song that lacks energy. I get it, Halsey may be good in the car post-training, but it’s going to put a crowd to sleep. The lyrics may be meaningful, but the music makes people tune out and not pay attention during the walkout. If Cooper wishes to keep a similar “I’m messed up but it’s okay” lyrical vibe, then I would suggest “Swamped” by Italian goth-metallers Lacuna Coil. The song is certainly more inspirational, and has a monster hook of an intro with Cristina Scabia’s powerful singing. Listen below.

David Teymur

What he walked out to last: “Suryoyo Football Song”

What he should walk out to next: “The Final Countdown” – Europe

I’ll never entirely understand what makes people walk out to someone else’ established theme. I know there’s an element of hero worship, but beyond that, why wouldn’t you want to establish your own identity separate of your hero or – in this case – your favorite sports team? This is the question I have to pose to David Teymur. A dated soccer anthem doesn’t scream “Swedish knockout artist.” If the walkout must be an anthem, why not Europe’s lone mega-hit, “The Final Countdown”? Surprisingly, I can’t think of anybody using it, and the intro alone would help make Teymur instantly recognizable to fans. Listen below and disagree at your peril.

Darren Elkins

What he walked out to last: “Get Ready” – Eric Herzog

What he should walk out to next: “Whipping Post” – The Allman Brothers

I’ll be honest, I don’t even remember what Darren Elkins’ last walkout sounded like. It’s so obscure that you can’t even find it easily on Youtube or Google, if at all. Having a unique walkout can be a double-edged sword, because if it’s not easy to find, much less memorable, it doesn’t help. So, perhaps “The Damage” needs to dip his toes back into the mainstream. I’m not saying he needs to walk out to the latest dance hit, mind you. I’m talking some classic Allman Brothers, whose song “Whipping Post” is about the kind of feeling that Elkins’ grinding style undoubtedly leaves his opponents with. Listen below.