Oops. It’s October 31st, and you totally forgot to put together that costume for the big party tonight. Don’t worry, dude or dudette, I got you. Check out these MMA Halloween costumes that you can spend 10 to 15 minutes explaining to confused partygoers.
The Ghost of Khabib Nurmagomedov
Costume: Fuzzy white fur hat, white powder makeup, “IF SAMBO WAS EASY, THEY’D CALL IT JIU-JITSU” shirt
Prop: Stuffed bear
Nurmagomedov was scheduled to fight Tony Ferguson on December 11th, but a rib injury forced him to pull out. By the time he fights again, he’ll likely have been out of action for two years. Oh, did I mention that Nurmagomedov just turned 27 and should be entering his athletic prime?
UFC Drug Czar Jeff Novitzky
Costume: Flesh-colored swim cap, business clothing (suit and tie or slacks and polo)
Gimmick: Go around randomly (or, rather, “intelligently“) sniffing peoples’ testes and ovaries for exogenous testosterone use; dig through the trash for evidence
The UFC’s new drug policy went into effect in July with former Barry Bonds and Lance Armstrong investigator Jeff Novitzky at the helm. This is a man who graduated with a degree in accounting and then went on to work as an investigator for the Internal Revenue Service and Food and Drug Administration. He has no experience running a drug program, but here we are.
Anderson Silva’s Friend, Marco Fernades
Prop: Squeeze Pop candy squirted into vials
Gimmick: Hand out the vials
After testing positive for both drostanolone and methylandrostane, Anderson Silva and his defense team thought the wisest course of action was to blame the positive test on Silva’s use of a black-market sexual enhancement pill from Thailand. Whether this was supposed to clear his behavior or just create sympathy from the commission is still up for discussion. In any case, Silva claims his friend Marco Fernades introduced him to the substance.
CM Punk, UFC Fighter
Costume: Reebok fight shorts, UFC gloves, greased-back hair, a Pepsi tattoo
Gimmick: With a straight face, insist that, yes, you will fight one day
After growing upset with part-time wrestlers coming back and getting royal treatment from WWE, Phil “CM Punk” Brooks quit, and…became a part-time fighter and got royal treatment from the UFC. December will mark a full year since Punk signed with the company; there’s no date set for his first fight.
Jon Jones
Costume: Whatever you do, please don’t do it in blackface
Props: Large wad of cash, a phone (for Instagramming), exotic cat
There was a time when certain MMA fans pleaded with Jones to drop the “humble” gimmick and embrace his true personality. Well, he did. Cocaine during training camp, a hit-and-run car accident, a strange (and effective) social media strategy. The genie’s out of the bottle, and he’s not going back in.
Lorenzo Fertitta and Chrissy Blair
Costume (Lorenzo): Business suit over cartoonish muscle suit
Costume (Chrissy): Octagon girl outfit
In arguably the greatest “DM sent out as a tweet” in MMA history, UFC co-owner Lorenzo Fertitta wanted to know what UFC Octagon Girl Chrissy Blair was up to late one night. It just sort of went away, because this is MMA and a high-ranking executive propositioning an underling is no big deal.
Ronda Rousey, Travis Browne, and Mike Tyson
Costume (Ronda): Black sports bra, bike shorts, and gloves or black jeans and a sleeveless DNB t-shirt
Costume (Travis): Beard, detailed shoulder tattoo
Costume (Mike): Again, no blackface
After winning an ESPY, Ronda Rousey took the sports media by storm when she got a dig in on Floyd Mayweather’s domestic violence record. Never mind that it was a cold, calculated PR move, and never mind that she is now dating an alleged domestic abuser and considers convicted rapist Tyson a friend.
NSAC Commissioners
Costume: Business attire over kangaroo costumes
Prop: Speaker phone that plays inappropriate music and inappropriate times
After years of general incompetence and buffoonery, the NSAC gave their magnum opus during Nick Diaz’s hearing for testing positive for marijuana. The NSAC commissioners grew hostile when faced with the actual, bona fide defense presented by Diaz’s team, and wound up overstepping their own recently-revised guidelines by handing out a five-year suspension and hefty fine.
